E-Learning UPN Veteran Yogyakarta

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The other day, I received an email from one of my close female blogger friends and she had explained to me that the man she had shared a cyclical relationship with over the past few years had finally settled down in a relationship with another woman.  Having heard intricate details of her personal relationship with this man, I had concluded that this choice in his romantic life may not be a direct rejection of her–but rather an indirect rejection of his own personal happiness.

A lot of women are currently under the assumption that when their on-and off loves find love somewhere else, that they were the ones that they have been rejected.  Rarely do these same women think that maybe these men are not in the relationship for the right reasons.

In my own personal dating experiences, I have learned that both men and women are equally guilty of settling in relationships that aren’t right for them. However, where the difference lies is in our motives.

When women settle in relationships, it’s because they are tired of giving all of their love to the same “great love” who unceremoniously breaks up with them time and time again.  However, when men settle in relationships, it’s because they prefer to take the easy route due to the fact that our great loves simply scare the crap out of us.

I can write this candidly because as most of you know, I was that guy for a very long time.

Just like my love for fattening poutine, my on-and off relationship with Sabrina endured in spite of its unhealthy and destructive nature. Our relationship was melodramatic, wickedly caustic and although our dissection for one another was awfully dysfunctional, it was intriguing nonetheless.  Although, no matter how I tried to deny my narcissism and delusions of grandeur that Sabrina wasn’t the one, I would always find myself committing to another woman and giving her everything I should have given her instead–simply because my feelings for the other woman were always easier to deal with.

Sure I would give my other girlfriends everything they expected from a loving relationship–long walks in the park, wining and dining sessions and great loving in between the sheets. (Or at least I would like to think so–had a lot of “fakers” in my time.) But just because I was giving everything they wanted did not mean I was giving MY ALL to them.

Not even close.

People say that wisdom comes with age–but I tend to believe that false wisdom is bestowed on anybody looking for love in their twenties.

After a certain point, we are all meant to believe that stability is more important than passion to maintain a long-term relationship. Men and women alike delude themselves into believing that their strong feelings of ‘like’ will evolve into love with the stable partner after awhile–only to be burdened with the constant pang of nostalgia for the one unrequited love that managed to get away during the entirety of the relationship.

Again, what I noticed is that us guys are more responsible for this phenomenon.  We know in our hearts who is right for us in the long run.  We know we can make grand gestures to win over our great loves even if they are in relationships.  However the problem is sometimes–greatness scares us.

The fact of the matter is that a lot of us are more satisfied being with a woman who sees the world with rose-colored glasses on–rather than taking the chance with being with our ‘maddening’ love who sees the world just like we do.

On the weekend, after Sabrina and I were recovering from our St. Patty’s Day hangovers, I had asked her how upset she was when I was in relationships with other women in the past.  She told me that with the exception of one, she didn’t feel anything but relief.

I asked her why and she said that selfishly it was better knowing deep down that I was with someone I wasn’t in love with.

So ladies, if you ever wonder why certain men from your life are able to commit to one woman but never to you, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are trying to insult and reject you.  Sometimes, it can simply mean you are too great for them and you should always take that as a compliment.

So instead of feeling pity for yourself and resenting the fact you wasted all that time loving someone who is with someone else, pity them instead.  Realize that the difference between you and them is that you have the ability to stop wasting time giving love to someone who is too chicken sh*t to receive it.

Never settle for less and never wait around for someone who will settle for less.

If that person is right for you, then they will make it happen. Plain and simple.